Who are you? And where have you been?

This is a question I have been asking myself since last week when I met the lovely Dept of Motor Vehicles ladies. Apparently for 31 years I have been committing fraud when I filled in forms. Also, I am not married as their computer still shows my maiden name. Now, I must figure out my "real" , or "legal" name and make all my documents match.
So where have I been? In the closet. I have a file cabinet with mysterious content, files with labels that I once thought perfect , that now no longer make sense. In "Pack Mtgs" I found my birth certificate. Copies were also in two other files. My favorite file so far is the "Rose's Cool Stuff" Being a professional pack rat, I have kept membership cards from all kinds of adventures. What is fun is to see my name morph from Janet, to Janet Rose, to Rose, Rose B, Rose Burka Whalen. I have been trying to decide which of these names is the "legal" me.
In the South, we ladies love to keep our maiden names as our new middle name when we marry. Soooo why couldn't I be Janet Rose Burka Whalen. Well, oh no, not at the DMV or the SS office. My favorite quote I have heard in my visits to six offices is, "You can have as many names as you want, but you can only have one first name, one middle name and one last name" Somehow the math doesnt add up. Infinity does not equal three.
Today I took documents to the SS office again for the third time, used a little "blonde attitude", some southern charm, and a lot of prayer and along with a pile of documents. I sat as still as possible, so as not to distract the clerk and spook her into another denial. She looked at my passport, DL, marriage certificate, UT id card, my current SS card, my first SS card, my jury summons, and a letter from UT. and then. She said "OK!"
Next installment in this sage will be in ten days. DMV ladies, I will get a new license, like it or not!